Skip Survey results #1

According to the results of Skip on Toast's first ultra-scientific survey, the vast majority of the Maltese people (60 per cent) would like a Constitutional amendment to introduce: a) the death penalty for adultery; b) mandatory burkas for Gzira women; c) obligatory portraits of Lawrence Gonzi in all homes and offices; d) hard labour for homosexuals; e) compulsory Sunday mass attendance, and f) internment and exile for all environmentalists and left-wing intellectuals.

Of the remaining 40 per cent, half want only the mandatory burka, while the other half want only the obligatory pictures of Lawrence Gonzi in all homes and offices.

These findings have since been communicated to the Ministry for Justice, Idiocy and the Interior, which will shortly be issuing letters to invite all members of Civil Society (that's politico-speak for "all tombola clubs, bocci associations and flower arranging societies") to write in on pain of deportation to signal their whole-hearted approval of this entrenchment proposal... which will naturally be hurried through parliament before the summer recess, to make sure no-one gets a chance to actually discuss it.

Meanwhile, thank you all for your kind participation (No flowers by request, but donations can be made to: Skip On Toast Scientific Surveys United, Public Opinion Street, Maghtab.)