Unveiled: monument to sperm

A monument to the Sperm Cell was inaugurated yesterday in a public ceremony in Foetus Square.

The sculpture was commissioned by the pro-fanaticism movement, Gift of Lib, as part of its drive to re-ignite the prehistoric cult of fertility on the island of Malta.

Speaking at the ceremony, the President of the Republic said: "I'm a Roman Catholic. And have been since before I was born. And the one thing they say about Catholics is: They'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six-footer. You don't have to have a great brain. You don't have to have any clothes on. You're A Catholic the moment Dad came. Because every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate."

Addressing the crowd, the chair-spermatozoa of Gift of Lib added: "Let the heathen spill theirs on the dusty ground! God shall make them pay for each sperm that can't be found! Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, spill theirs just anywhere. But God loves those who treat their semen with more care."

Blessing the monument, the parish priest concluded: "Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed, in your neighbourhood."

(To make your own donation to Gift of Lib, send your sperm sample, preferably in a labelled jar, to: Gift of Lib, Semen House, Penetration Road, Fecundania)